ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
