smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
