when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
