I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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