I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
