Where is the hickey?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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