you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
