I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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