You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
