Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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