my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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