party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
