I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
