Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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