Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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