Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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