hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
