apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
