Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i came on her dog
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
