I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
