he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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