Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
