u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
