so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
