At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
