she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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