i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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