I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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