i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
