Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
nutella sex= disaster
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
