She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
