I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
