i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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