her vagine was all disorganized.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
