Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
