grandma shit on top of the toilet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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