Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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