I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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