I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
