So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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