It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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