Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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