How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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