i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
