I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
