Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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