At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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