How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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