Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
