Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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