i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This girl is more easily done than said...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
