Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
