I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
