That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
